With Halloween on the way, and inspired by Joss’s punning chocolate post, here’s my spooky tale based on streets and placenames around the UK. (Apologies in advance. I got carried away. I’m sorry. So very, very sorry.)
(original lightning pic: istock:nature_247)
Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin…
‘Twas the night of AllHallows.
Panting for breath I leaned against a wooden post which creaked ominously. Looking up, I screamed.
In blind panic I fled along the Hangman Path and into the Woodlands, wherein lurks the Goole. Legend tells of how it lures unwary travellers into its Crypt (Estate) and feasts on their Brains (Green).
Scrambling out of the Grave(ny), I ran towards a nearby cottage, and witless with terror hammered at the door.
My overwhelmed senses finally gave in and, as I slipped into a dead faint, the last thing I heard was the Witch (Close), as she cackled…
I blogged enthusiastically a while ago about Barratt Homes dishing out free beer at viewings.
Let me now take the opportunity to raise a glass (or three) to Ludlow Thompson for their splendid Good Pubs Rental List – in ma hones opinun (hic) … iz a brillen idea.
It’s not, let me hasten to add, that they’re trying to encourage us to knock back 15 pints after work – as we all well know, this is not how we do things here in Blighty.
No, no, no: we drink like this:
“If a stop at your local pub for a pint or a Pinot Grigio on the way home is part of your daily routine, check out our List of Rentals with nearby ‘locals’.”
Ah yes, many’s the time I’ve stopped by on the way home for just the one …
Still, hats off (if you can still find your head) to LT for acknowledging the incalculable (and try saying that after a few) value of a good local boozer.
My own local is a place called the Cleveland in Preston Park, Brighton; a fine hostelry that also serves bloody good grub. If you’re ever in the neighbourhood … mine’s a pint of the black stuff.
Does the local matter? Tell us about the boozer that makes your neighbourhood more … neighbourly …
Cadbury’s recently bucked the trend of most other businesses when they announced their profits were up by 11 per cent over the last quarter.
There’s got to be a connection between that and the general gloom that’s going around, surely?
We might not be able to heat our homes anymore but goddammit, we can still afford the odd Dairy Milk to cheer ourselves up.
So in honour of Cadbury’s range of feel-good products, I’ve written a few chocolate-coated words on the housing market. My apologies in advance…
This past year has been no Picnic or bed of Roses for anyone affected by the credit Crunch(ie).
But will the recent government cash Boost lead to Gordon Brown & Co. being hailed as the Heroes who saved us from an economic Melt(s) down?
Is there a Wispa of optimism in the air, or will Gordon be accused of Fudge-ing the financial truth, and end up with (Creme) Egg on his face?
Thinking about it too much is sending me into a mental Twirl; I need some Time Out before I turn into a total Flake…
The brilliant Bird & Fortune explain the credit crunch…
Bird: … all the milk is standing around and gets rancid and hardens, and then when you get hard milk what do you get?
Bird: No, no, no, no, no. It’s more like a jelly. It wobbles, you see.
And at this point the man in the street turns to his wife and says, “Irene,” or whatever her name happens to be, “em, we can’t have that new house you wanted because all the milk has turned to jelly.”
I hope that’s clear…
Mervyn King, top banana at the Bank of England, hit the headlines today because he dared to utter the ‘R’ word – recession.
I like Merv. His press appearances at the Bank of England’s Quarterly Cure For Insomnia have always been enlivened by his intellectual sophistication and sly sense of humour.
He seems like a really good bloke, King, which is why I’m almost reluctant to point out that as I was reading the news reports today I couldn’t help feeling he reminded me of someone.
But who? Later in the day a light bulb flashed in my noggin: Penfold! You know … from Dangermouse.
Ok, I’ll grant you: the resemblance is not as uncanny as Steve Martin and Alistair Darling … but still, it’s pretty darn* close…
Question is: who would be Dangermouse to Merv’s Penfold? Suggestions please…
*Howdedoodee Palin fans, apologies Obama supporters …